Expensive Tattoos That Were Hilariously Not Worth The Money

Tattoo: Poorly-done image of Rocky Dennis, the inspiration behind Mask 
Est. Price: $100*

Rocky Dennis, for those who don’t know who this tattoo is supposed to be of, was a teenager with a rare sclerotic bone disorder called craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. The condition is super sad, and it caused Dennis’ death at the age of seventeen. His life was the inspiration for the movie Mask, a 1985 drama.

Rocky Dennis Tattoo @u/whawhat/Reddit.com

It was also the inspiration for this tattoo. Note, we’re not making fun of this tattoo because it’s of Rocky Dennis (though that movie was a huge bummer), we’re mocking it because the portrait isn’t accurate at all. If you’re going to get a portrait tattoo, you’re going to need to spend more than $100.

Tattoo: Horribly wrong one-liner from a Bon Jovi song 
Est. Price: $25* 

Jon Bon Jovi is one of the most successful artists of all time. He has sold millions of records and amassed a dedicated fan base across the globe. One Bon Jovi mega-fan decided to express his love for the singer by getting a tattoo of a line from one of the artist’s most famous songs.

"It's Is My Life" - Jon Bovi thelizcarey/Instagrm.com

However, instead of “It’s My Life,” the person got “It’s Is My Life.” This spelling error (and the horrible font that even Microsoft Office would reject) are definitely going to need a cover-up job. Though this tattoo couldn’t have cost more than $25, the “artist” who did it didn’t deserve one penny.

Tattoo: Six-pack of beer instead of abs 
Est. Price: $150*

Well, that’s one way to get a six-pack. While eating protein and going to the gym are two popular options, one tattoo customer decided to cut his losses and accentuate his beer gut. The six-pack on his stomach is not pure muscle; it’s a pack of beer.

Six-Pack @r/Eve/Reddit.com

This Budweiser mega-fan is embracing body positivity, and we applaud him for that, though we do wonder what his blood pressure and cholesterol readings say. We’re sure that the tattoo artist had a good laugh when creating this punny tattoo. Though ridiculous, 2022 is the era of loving your body for what it is…so we can’t hate. 

Tattoo: A screaming face on the back of someone’s head 
Est. Price: $500*

Whoever has to sit behind this man on an airplane should sue him for emotional distress. It’s not everyday that you see a tattoo that genuinely makes you do a double-take, but this back-of-the-head monstrosity certainly qualifies as jaw-dropping.  

This Guy's Haircut u/tilimani/Reddit.com

Admittedly, it is clever that this guy managed to grow and cut his hair in a way that perfectly befits this Netflix horror movie face. A tattoo on the back of the head is one of the most painful places to get ink, so he likely went all out to make the pain and money worth it. When this tat customer wants to grow his hair back to a normal length and style, however, he might be singing a different tune. 

Tattoo: Horribly-drawn image of Marilyn Monroe 
Est. Price: $150*

Marilyn Monroe is one of the most famous movie icons of all time. Her image has been reproduced millions of times, and she lives on in pop culture for her beauty, charm, and pinup-esque style.

I'm Speechless ©stock imagery / Alamy.com @CrelaseV/Twitter.com

While a Marilyn Monroe tattoo might seem like a good idea to the blond bombshell’s fan base, they will want to make sure they’re getting ink from a reputable artist. This tattoo looks like it was drawn with a black Sharpie marker. The tat is completely unrecognizable as Marilyn, and we hope that this client didn’t have to pay a dime for such shoddy work.

Tattoo: Louis Vuitton logos all over someone’s bald head 
Est. Price: $150*

Fashion is life for this person, as they love Louis Vuitton so much that they not only have an LV backpack; they have the designer brand’s logo tattooed on their head. They might have even shaved their head for the purpose of getting the logos tatted—who knows?

When Fashion Is Life @r/trashy/Reddit.com

This ridiculous tattoo is sure to draw a lot of attention, and it must have been very painful. While some people don’t find scalp tattoos too bad, as the artist only goes two layers into the dermis, others have described it as a super-intense place to get inked. The pain, especially when it comes to getting tattoos, is relative. 

Tattoo: Nike logo dunking a skin tag like a basketball 
Est. Price: $50*

When it comes to a skin tag (or wart, mole, or whatever this is), you can get it removed in a simple outpatient procedure. It’ll probably cost around $150 to get it off, unless insurance covers the cost, something that will only happen if it is medically necessary to have the blemish removed.

For Real, Man? @r/funny/Reddit.com

Or, you can save money and get a $50 tattoo of the Nike logo dunking your skin tag like a basketball. Your choice. Perhaps this guy figured that if people were going to be staring at the blemish anyway, he might as well make it interesting for them. He gets high marks for creativity, no matter whether you think this tattoo is cringe-worthy or not. 

Tattoo: Face and head are covered in a checkerboard design 
Est. Price: $500* 

This guy had better hope he never ends up on a “Most Wanted” list, as he’ll be found immediately, thanks to his ill-advised decision to get a chessboard tattooed on his face. And we do mean his entire face.

Check Mate @u/Krackajak78/Reddit.com

It’s very, very hard to pull off a face tattoo. In fact, it’s rarely advisable. This man not only got this risky tattoo, he received a massive one that no amount of Revlon concealer and foundation can cover. Even his lips and bald head are tattooed. His mother must have fainted in shock when he showed up for the holidays. 

Tattoo: Badly-done portrait of Ben Franklin 
Est. Price: $100*

We guarantee that this person has $0 in their bank account. They probably spent their last bucks on this hilariously-bad tattoo. When it comes to getting tattoos, you definitely want to spend a little extra cash to get the best quality possible.

Money Talk ©boredpanda.com | ©Deacons docs/Shutterstock.com

Great tattoo artists will rarely charge next-to-nothing for a design. After all, you’re paying for a permanent work of art, not a $1.29 McChicken from McDonald’s. This cheaply-done tattoo is supposed to be of Ben Franklin, but it has more of a Jabba the Hutt vibe. Underneath the picture is the text, “Money Talk,” which appears to be missing a letter, as the saying technically goes, “Money Talks.” 

Tattoo: Misspelled, poorly-written quotation
Est. Price: $75* 

When you saw the title, “Bad Tattoos,” you knew that we were going to include some pretty wacky spelling errors. “Believe in yourself and Never Lose Hoop.” We don’t believe in this tattoo, and it makes us lose hope immediately, as who misspells such simple words? Especially if your entire job is to ink people permanently.

Maximum Facepalm @u/Trillogens/Reddit.com

You have to wonder why the client never said anything when she noticed that the tattoo artist was wildly misspelling her quote. Not to mention, this font looks like something out of a kids’ Pixar movie. Hopefully, this wronged client has the money necessary to cover up this abomination of a tattoo. 

Tattoo: Eminem turned into a blue M&M
Est. Price: $500* 

To be fair, this portrait of Eminem’s face, even though it’s all-blue for some reason, is pretty well-done. We’re including it on this list of “Bad Tattoos” because it makes no sense. Sure, Eminem sounds like M&M, but the rapper really hasn’t associated himself with the popular chocolate candy.

Eminem Or M&M? @rolexr6/Twitter.com

As it happens, Eminem seems more like a Reese’s guy. This tattoo has inexplicably turned the best-selling musician into a candy-human hybrid. While we can’t fault the ink artist for giving his client exactly what he wanted, we do wonder what the story is behind this strange, bright-blue tattoo.  

Tattoo: Chinese phrase that actually means “Turkey Sandwich”
Est. Price: $50*

It’s a good rule of thumb that, if you’re going to get a tattoo on your body that is permanent, you should double-check your design. This is especially true if you’re tattooing a foreign language on your skin, particularly if you don’t speak that language.

Today I Learned That My Friend's Chinese Tattoo Literally Means "Turkey Sandwich" r/comedyheaven/Reddit.com

This photo has made the rounds on META and Twitter, and it’s easy to see why. It’s hilarious. One person got a Chinese saying tattooed on them, only to discover later that this supposedly-deep quote was actually “Turkey Sandwich.” It appears that the trickster tattoo artist had quite the laugh at his expense.

Tattoo: Giant zipper running up a man’s back 
Est. Price: $500*

How does everyone feel about optical illusion tattoos? While some look very cool, others, like this one, absolutely do not. One man decided to get a gigantic zipper tattooed up his spine. The zipper is partially pulled down, so you can see tattooed-on bones that are somewhat larger than the average human being’s spine.

Zipper Tattoo /www.boredpanda.com

Maybe he got it because it looked cool. Or, maybe he got it because he thought it had a deeper meaning, something about revealing his inner thoughts by unzipping his back. Or something. Either way, we estimate that this ridiculous tattoo likely cost around $500, judging by its size and the ink color used.

Tattoo: Ryan Gosling’s poorly-drawn head on the body of a spider 
Est. Price: $150-$450*

Ryan Gosling: our newest Ken, partner to Eva Mendes, and a lot of peoples’ Hollywood crush. The hunky actor has a large fan base, having starred in hit movies like La La Land, The Gray Man, Drive, The Notebook, and many more.

Ryan Gosling @toshpoint0/Facebook.com

We get loving Ryan Gosling, but this tattoo? Why a spider? Why the Sharpie-like lines? The face looks more like Gomez from The Addams Family than the star of Breaker High (obscure reference, we know). Try as we might, we cannot seem to come up with the reason behind the spider. There’s no such thing as a “Gosling spider,” so the connection here is a mystery.